Who Knew?

 Periodically, particularly after Christmas-time, I try to clean out the toys.  Throw away the ones that are broken or have pieces missing, or sell/donate the ones that just don’t seem to get played with.  However, I find this extremely challenging.  Why do I get so attached?  I suppose it’s because many items hold a treasured memory of playing with the girls or sometimes it’s the memory of who gave it to them or the holiday in which it was given.  Why have I turned into a sappy mush ball?  It’s the same way with their clothes.  It saddens me each time I have to put away the ones that are too small and replace with bigger ones.  And yes, I said, “put them away”.  I save them instead of getting rid of them.  For Savannah’s outgrown stitches, my excuse is that I’m saving them for Madalyn.  So why do I store Madalyn’s outgrown clothes, much of which has been handed down already?  I don’t know. I can often look at an outfit and recall the age they were when they wore it and associate a memory with an event in which they wore it.  It might not even be one of my favorite outfits, but there’s a memory tied to it.  Isn’t that what pictures are for?  Yes, I suppose.  And I have lots of those too.  Yet I still hang on.

When did I turn into this sappy creature that tears up at the thought of my 5 year old going to a Daddy/Daughter dance, or after dropping the kids off at childcare (still, years later), or at night when I stop the world for 5 minutes and watch them sleep?  Or at hearing about a devastating story of complete strangers and their struggles with losing loved ones?  A couple of weeks ago I was watching American Idol and they ended that night with a young man that was competing who was engaged to this beautiful young lady for 2 yrs… and then there was a car accident.  She is alive, but she’s now in a wheel chair, can not hardly speak, and has a lot of brain damage.  I came to bed crying that night, with my dear husband looking at me like I was crazy.  "You're not pregnant are you" was his response to the weird emotions I was showing for complete strangers.  And again after hearing of the Cole Family in Spring Arbor and the loss of Chad’s wife and newborn Baby Miranda.  If you haven’t read the story yet, you need to.  But be warned: it will break your heart.

http://www.mlive.com/news/jackson/index.ssf/2011/02/i-94_west_near_dearing_road_cl.html

http://sadandchara.blogspot.com/2011/02/my-heart-is-broken.html

Those of you that know me well know that I used to be a person of very little emotion and a person that hardly ever shed a tear.  So what happened to that person?  These cute, little, sticky-handed, snot-nosed, germ-carrying, love-boasting, leg-hugging, no-neck monsters happened. 

These beautiful creatures made me realize instantly how precious life is and how fast it goes by.  They have humbled me into a completely different person.

I knew they would change the world around me.  I had no idea they would change who I am.